Get to know me……..

Greetings healers and feelers. Bre - the daydreamer here.

I felt inclined to write today. Honestly my emotions are a bit all over the place. Every moment packed with its own barrage of emotions. I think of the human I loved and released, I think of the human that loved and released me. I think about the places I have been - the things that I have seen - endured and recovered from.

What a life at almost 37. Waiting patiently to feel like an adult, when things just make sense. The sense of gratification and established legacy. Maybe it is just around the corner, maybe it is just beyond the horizon - where the light barely hits, but changes lie in the unknowns.

I sent the last bit of connection to a human that I loved beyond reason. He is plagued by addiction and mental illness. When he was clean he was beautiful. I mean from his smile that he always tried to hide and the smallest glimmer of hope that one day he would be free in his eyes. I loved, the parts of him his addiction and demons tried to kill. I loved the shape of his feet and the sound of his laugh. But I hated the Jekyll and Hyde version of his illness.

I lost myself trying to love him, the whole him.

I killed my spirit trying to resurrect his.

I caught fire - walking into the pits of hell and trying to pull his tired corpse from the flame.

Have you ever been there? Have you ever felt this before?

If the answer is no, you are one of the lucky ones. You haven’t had to sift your remains from the destruction.

If the answer is yes, you are one of the lucky ones. You did what few people are equipped to do. You showed up - you tried. I honor you.